The scarcely serious guide to cycling accessories

Lots of more knowledgable folk are writing about the Women's Tour and the Italian race that starts in Ireland - what's that all about? They'll be starting the channel tunnel in Swindon next. 

Anyways, I'm willing to bet that not one of the thousands of people who have read this blog (thank you very much by the way. I never imagined anyone would actually read it) have ever stroked their chin in a preoccupied fashion and mused: "Hmmm...an important professional cycling race is happening. I'd better get the low down from There She  Rides".

I'm not going to start pretending I understand the first thing about these races now. Instead, I'm going to share some of my favourite cycling accessories and inventions. My gift to you. Colour it pink and imagine it speaks Italian. 

1. The combined sports bra and water holder. Marketed to hold alcohol - or according to the comments from Amazon reviewers, soup - it's the water carrier you've been seeking. Though possibly not if you are a bloke. Take two bottles onto my bike? Not me!

*Picture posed by model

2. The 'nana pouch. It holds the ultimate cycling fuel in an easy to reach, on-the-go position. And until you eat them, the bananas provide a little added hi viz yellowness. What's not to love?

3. The wine carrier. So suave (or Soave come to that. Which is not a pun I thought I'd be making), so girl-about-town. Take a trundle out with this and just wait for those cool cats to come calling. 

4. The Hallowe'en bike. Because I'm a stepmother and it is part of the job description. 

5. The cycle hearse. We've all got to go some time. And when I go, I want it to be in one of these. With all the mourners pedalling behind. And in a final note of respect, everyone must keep just under the  11.7mph required for the Ride London. 

*deceased cyclist posed by model